Leah and Max Cohen are the parents of three children, all of which are enrolled in different colleges in the state of California. Leah and Max reside in Palm Springs, own a popular clothing store, and are active in their synagogue. In fact, Leah’s brother is one of the rabbis at Hillel Temple.
The Cohen’s youngest child, Freddie, decided to take a semester off from his studies. The young man was rather vague in explaining that decision to his mother and father. Parents and son ultimately decided that Freddie would return to Palm Springs and stay with Leah and Max until he returned back to school the following semester.
Max suggested that Freddie work with his parents at the jewelry store during his hiatus from school. Freddie liked the idea and appeared to be enthusiastic about working with his parents at the store.
All seemed to be going well for Freddie, both in regard to living at home and working at the jewelry store. Until it wasn’t.
Death by Suicide: There Are Not Always Clear Warning Signs
At about midnight during the third week after Freddie had come back home to stay with his parents, Leah and Max were awoken by a single gunshot blast. Freddie had taken his life by placing his father’s pistol to his own head. According to Leah and Max, they felt that they had no signs that their son, living in their home, was contemplating suicide.
Suicide is a complex issue that affects individuals and communities worldwide. It is estimated that over 700,000 people die by suicide each year, with countless others affected by the loss of a loved one.
One particularly devastating form of suicide is unexpected suicide, where the individual takes their own life without any prior warning signs. This type of suicide can leave family members and friends feeling confused, devastated, and struggling to come to terms with the loss.
In many cases, individuals who die by unexpected suicide do not show any signs of suicidal ideation or intent. They may not have a history of mental health issues, and their loved ones may have had no reason to suspect that they were struggling.
This can make it incredibly difficult for family members and friends to understand what happened and begin the healing process. It is important for those who have lost someone to unexpected suicide to seek support and guidance from mental health professionals, who can help them navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with this type of loss.
Understanding Shame and Suicide
When someone close to us dies by suicide, it is common to feel a range of emotions, including guilt, anger, and shame. The shame may come from a sense of failure as a friend or family member, or from the societal stigma surrounding suicide. It is important to remember that suicide is a complex issue and not anyone’s fault, and to seek support during the grieving process.
- Many people who have lost a loved one to suicide feel shame and guilt. They may wonder if they could have done more to prevent the suicide and may feel responsible for the outcome. These feelings of shame and guilt can be amplified by societal attitudes towards suicide, which often stigmatize those who have lost someone to suicide.
- Similarly, individuals who have attempted suicide themselves may feel shame and guilt, as well as a sense of failure or weakness. They may feel that they have let down their loved ones or that they are somehow flawed or defective. These feelings of shame can be particularly strong if the suicide attempt is not successful, as the individual may feel that they are not even capable of ending their own life.
- There can be a stigma associated with suicide, which can lead to shame and silence around the topic. People may be reluctant to talk about suicide or seek help for suicidal thoughts or feelings because they fear judgment or rejection from others. This can create a sense of shame and isolation that can make it even harder to address the underlying issues that are contributing to suicidal thoughts.
- People who struggle with suicidal thoughts may feel ashamed and embarrassed to talk about their struggles with others. They may worry that others will think less of them or see them as weak, which can intensify feelings of shame and self-doubt. This can make it even harder to reach out for help or to connect with others who may be able to offer support.
- Some cultures or religions may view suicide as a sin or a sign of weakness, leading to feelings of shame for those who are struggling. These attitudes can be particularly damaging, as they can create a sense of moral or spiritual failure that can be difficult to overcome. Individuals may feel that they are not only letting down themselves and their loved ones, but also their community or their faith.
- Survivors of suicide attempts may feel ashamed to seek help, fearing judgment or stigma from others. They may worry that seeking treatment will confirm their failure or weakness, and this can create a sense of shame or reluctance to reach out for support. This can be particularly challenging if the individual has already experienced negative reactions from others in response to their suicide attempt.
- The shame and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult for people to access the support and resources they need to heal and recover. Individuals may be reluctant to seek help or may not know where to turn for support, and this can exacerbate feelings of shame and isolation. It is important to remember that there is nothing shameful about struggling with suicidal thoughts or feelings, and that help is available for those who need it.
Suicide and the Jewish Faith
Suicide is a difficult topic to discuss, and it is often surrounded by stigma and shame. In Judaism, suicide is generally considered to be a violation of the commandment “Thou shalt not kill.” This means that suicide is seen as a serious sin, and it is often described as an act of desperation that stems from a lack of hope or faith. However, the Jewish tradition also recognizes that suicide can be the result of mental illness or extreme circumstances and that these factors should be taken into account when evaluating the situation.
One of the key principles of Jewish law is the sanctity of life. This means that every life is considered to be valuable and holy and that suicide is, therefore a violation of this principle. However, Jewish law also recognizes that there are situations in which life may be at risk and that in such cases, it may be necessary to take steps to protect oneself or others. For example, if a person is in danger of being killed or tortured, they may be permitted to take their own life in order to prevent the greater harm.
Furthermore, Jewish law recognizes that suicide is often the result of mental illness or extreme distress. In such cases, the individual may not be held fully responsible for their actions. It is important to note that mental illness was not fully understood in ancient times, so it is difficult to say how Jewish law would apply in modern times. Nonetheless, it is widely accepted that suicide is not a choice that is made lightly, and that those who take their own lives are often struggling with significant psychological pain.
In addition to the question of whether suicide is permissible under Jewish law, there is also the issue of how the Jewish community should respond to those who have died by suicide. Traditionally, suicide has been seen as a shameful act, and those who have died by suicide have often been denied a proper Jewish burial. However, there is a growing recognition that suicide is often the result of mental illness, and that those who have died by suicide should be treated with compassion and understanding.
Today, many Jewish communities are working to provide support and resources for those who are struggling with mental illness or contemplating suicide. This includes offering counseling services, hosting support groups, and promoting awareness of mental health issues within the community. While the Jewish tradition condemns suicide as a violation of the sanctity of life, it also recognizes that suicide is often the result of complex factors, and that those who are struggling with mental illness or contemplating suicide should be met with compassion and support.
Aftermath of a Violent Death by Suicide
The aftermath of a violent death by suicide, like gunshot that resulted in Freddie’s death, can be overwhelming and highly challenging. In addition to the emotional affects that significantly impact a deceased individual’s loved ones, there are other challenges, chief among them being suicide death cleaning (or biohazard remediation). There are a number of key elements associated with suicide death cleaning or remediation that need to be borne in mind:
- Prioritize safety: This means ensuring that the area is secure and that no one is at risk of being harmed. If there is a weapon present, it should be safely removed and secured. If there are any other hazards present, such as broken glass or sharp objects, these should be removed or marked as a potential hazard.
- Seek professional help: Suicide cleanup can be a traumatic and difficult process, and it is important to seek professional help to ensure that the process is carried out safely and effectively. Professional cleaners are trained to handle the cleanup process in a way that minimizes the risk of exposure to any potentially hazardous materials.
- Proper disposal of materials: Any materials that have come into contact with bodily fluids, such as clothing or bedding, should be disposed of properly and safely. This may involve using biohazard bags or containers, or following specific disposal guidelines set by local authorities.
- Thorough cleaning and disinfection: The area should be thoroughly cleaned and disinfected, paying close attention to any areas where blood or other bodily fluids may have been present. This may involve using specialized cleaning products or equipment to ensure that all traces of bodily fluids are removed.
- Disposal of hazardous waste: If there are any items that cannot be safely cleaned or disinfected, it may be necessary to dispose of them as hazardous waste. This may include items such as carpeting, furniture, or other materials that have been heavily soiled with bodily fluids.
- Legal requirements: It is important to be aware of any legal requirements or regulations that may apply to suicide cleanup, as these may vary depending on the location and circumstances. This may include specific guidelines for the disposal of hazardous waste, or requirements for obtaining permits or licenses to carry out the cleanup process.
These factors underscore the need to obtain assistance from a reputable, reliable suicide cleanup company. An example of such a company serving people in Palm Springs is Eco Bear.
Leah and Max needed immediate assistance to address the grim aftermath of their son’s death by suicide. As practicing conservative Jews, Leah, Max, and the rest of their family had not only a very short time to prepare for the funeral and burial of Freddie, they needed to get the home in a condition to sit shivah.
Sitting Shivah and Mourning the Death of a Family Member
For those unfamiliar with Jewish funeral, burial, and mourning traditions, shivah and sitting shivah necessitate some basic information. Shivah is a Jewish period of mourning observed for seven days after the burial of an immediate family member. During this time, mourners participate in various customs and traditions to honor the deceased and provide comfort to the bereaved. The term “shivah” comes from the Hebrew word for “seven,” which refers to the length of the mourning period.
There are specific elements of sitting shivah that necessitate a presentable residence for members of the family as well as visitors to the home. The process of sitting shivah includes:
- Sitting on low stools or the floor: During shivah, mourners are expected to sit on low stools or on the floor. This is meant to symbolize the feeling of being brought low by grief, and to discourage any activity that might distract them from mourning. By sitting on low stools, mourners are forced to slow down and focus on their feelings of loss.
- Covering mirrors or reflective surfaces: It is customary to cover mirrors and other reflective surfaces during shivah. This is to discourage vanity and focus one’s attention on mourning. Covering mirrors reminds mourners that this is a time for introspection and reflection, not for focusing on one’s appearance.
- Lighting a memorial candle: A memorial candle is traditionally lit at the beginning of shivah and burned continuously for seven days. The candle symbolizes the soul of the departed and is meant to provide comfort to the mourners. Lighting a candle is a way of keeping the memory of the departed alive, and of providing a source of light and warmth during a dark and difficult time.
- Refraining from work and regular activities: During shivah, mourners are expected to refrain from work and other regular activities. This is to allow them to fully focus on mourning and to honor the memory of the departed. By taking time off from work and other activities, mourners can give themselves space to grieve and process their emotions.
- Refraining from cutting one’s hair: It is customary for mourners to refrain from cutting their hair during shivah. This is to symbolize the grief and loss they are experiencing. By letting their hair grow, mourners are reminded of the passage of time and the changes that come with loss.
- Wearing torn clothing or a torn ribbon: Mourners often wear torn clothing or a torn ribbon during shivah. This is to symbolize the tearing apart of one’s life by grief and loss. Torn clothing is a visible symbol of mourning, and a way for mourners to express their feelings of sadness and pain.
- Refraining from bathing or showering (except in certain circumstances): Mourners are expected to refrain from bathing or showering during shivah, except in certain circumstances such as when personal hygiene is required for health reasons. This is to remind mourners that this is a time of mourning and introspection, not a time for self-care or pampering.
- Accepting visitors who come to offer condolences: It is customary for mourners to accept visitors who come to offer condolences during shivah. This is to provide comfort and support during a difficult time. Visitors bring food, offer kind words, and share stories and memories of the departed, all of which can help to ease the pain of grief.
- Reciting prayers and reading from religious texts: Mourners often recite prayers and read from religious texts during shivah. This is to provide comfort and to honor the memory of the departed. Prayers and religious texts offer solace and guidance during a time of great sadness and help mourners to connect with their faith and their community.
Thanks to the assistance of a professional suicide cleaning company, Leah and Max were able to address some of the immediate affects of being survivors of the death by suicide of their son. While they had to deal with nearly overwhelming grief, Leah, Max, and the rest of the family at least had a residence that was restored to a completely livable condition in the immediate aftermath of their son’s tragic death.